8. Rick Runs Out of F**ks to Give

The Ricktatorship is now in full effect. Want to offer him help after stabbing him in the back? GOOD LUCK, FATHER GABRIEL. Want to hold a secret meeting to overthrow him? GO FOR IT, CARTER. Rick’s, “Do you have any idea who you’re talking to?” line jumps to top 10 most badass lines of the series. He literally convinced a town of cowards to get off their couch, build a wall, and help parade a horde of walkers 20 miles away from Alexandria.

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7. Humans Doomed Our Favorite Pets

Other than Glenn, the typical carousel of major character deaths was supplanted by the death of OTHER beloved favorites: a turtle and a goat. Let’s start with the turtle (we’ll name it Shelby). It’s likely Shelby had a beautiful family, owned a fantasy football league, and was binge-ing Making a Murderer like the rest of us. Life was good! UNTIL…Shelby met Enid. APPARENTLY out of nuts and berries, Enid decided raw turtle meat was the safest option (sure). SO, that was the unfortunate end of Shelby. NICE GOING, ENID. NOW SHELBY WILL NEVER FIND OUT IF STEVE AVERY WAS CONVICTED OR NOT. IF HE KILLED TERESA THEN WHY WOULDN’T HE USE HIS CAR COMPACTOR TO GET RID OF THE EVIDENCE? WHY WAS THE FBI SO QUICK TO DEVELOP AN EDT TEST?? AND WHY DO PEOPLE IN WISCONSIN ANSWER THE PHONE WITH “YEAH” INSTEAD OF “HELLO”???

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Time to get to the fan favorite, Tabitha the goat. Tabitha led a simple life; other than the occasional oatmeal burger and the one million digits of pi-long stories she had to tolerate from Eastman, life was good! In fact, everything was JUST FINE until Morgan showed up. Even though he saved her, he distracted Eastman long enough for Tabitha to get eaten by a walker. DAMN IT, MORGAN. TABITHA WAS THE SHINING LIGHT OF YOUR BACKSTORY EPISODE. THIS IS WHY WE CAN’T HAVE NICE THINGS. ALSO, WHY WAS STEVE AVERY’S JUDGE ALSO PRESIDING OVER HIS APPEAL HEARINGS?? WHAT EXACTLY IS GOING ON WITH THE WISCONSIN SUPREME COURT?!

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6. Daryl Gets Jacked

The moral of this episode was help.no one. They will literally jack your stuff. The whole episode counts as the crazy moment, really. Daryl gets shot at by machine guns, hides in the woods, gets captured, escapes, returns, saves his captors, witnesses of them die, and then gets jacked of his ride AND weapon when it’s over. Sheesh. Unfortunately for D, Daryl was the wrong person to mess with.

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5. The Tower Falls

WELP, there goes the town. The Alexandrian’s worst fear has finally come true: the wall has fallen and the town is overrun by walkers. Not only did the wall come down but Morgan knocked out Carol, Deanna bit the dust, Carl told Ron what was up, and the gang had to escape the house in walker flesh ponchos. So what does this mean for our heroes? Comic fans may already have an idea; but we can guarantee the last half of the season will be quite the rollercoaster.

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4. The NEGAN Mention

If you’re not a super fan of The Badlands (and why wouldn’t you be??) you might have missed the Mid-Season Finale coda where a group of (presumed) Saviors inform Sasha, Abe, and Daryl their stuff “Now belongs to Negan.” Who is Negan? We answered that in this post…but basically he’s the next Walking Dead baddie that’s a thousand times worse than The Governor.

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Here’s the full scene:

3. Carol Goes Assassin’s Creed on Everyone’s Ass

As the saying goes, mo Wolves mo problems. While Rick, Daryl, Abraham, Sasha, Michonne, and Glenn are gone (AKA mostly everyone that matters), a group of murderers found their way into Alexandria and re-enacted the final battle scene of Glory…(basically killing errybody in town). Thankfully, Carol exchanges her apron for a Wolf disguise and fights.the.f**k.back. Sure, a few passive aggressive neighbors didn’t make it, but Carol did what she could and outwitted, outsmarted, and outplayed the marauders all in time for her cookies to be done! If that’s not a good enough pitch for a Food Network show I don’t know what is!

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Honorable Mention: Jessie activated NOT IN MY HOUSE mode and went to town on a Wolf’s chest with SCISSORS. Would YOU do that to save Sam?

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2. Glenn Lives!

Believe us, we were as relieved as you were when this #GlennGate #DumpsterGate scandal was over. So as the story goes Glenn DOES survive the zombie horde and it WAS Nicholas’ body being ripped apart. Why did the producers do it? Was it just a sick joke? Did they not think people would sit through an hour-long Morgan backstory episode without the hope of discovering Glenn’s fate? Or was it just a brilliant marketing strategy from the Dumpster lobby to get their name back out there?! We may never know.

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1. Glenn Dies!

Thought the first two episodes were too extreme and everything would calm down in the third episode? THINK THE F**K AGAIN. We’re throwing your favorite characters in a 63-sided Rubix cube-level of impossible and not everyone survives! You know how it went: Glenn and Nicholas get trapped on a dumpster, Nicholas shoots himself, and they both end up on the ground. “NOOOOOO!” reacted everyone around the world. BUT, were those Glenn’s guts or Nicholas’?? Can Glenn find his way under the dumpster?? This was BY FAR the most controversial moment of the entire Walking Dead series. This scene spawned a month full of conspiracies, Homeland-esque pin up boards, and a TON of hilarious memes.

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